


Strippers, Gladiators and Jimmy Vega

by DalishGrey



Series: The Redacted Files [6]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: DammitVakarian, Embarrassment, F/M, Gladiators, Laughter, Not My Fault, Oil, Plots, Revenge, She cant help it, fails, giration, matriarchs, shimmies, shits and giggles, well shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalishGrey/pseuds/DalishGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan, Shepard and Garrus Vakarian came up with a way to get Vega back.<br/>But was it really his fault?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strippers, Gladiators and Jimmy Vega

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of random dribble XD  
> Inspired by a wonderful video and encouraged by those of the ME fan fiction writing world.
> 
> It's a bit rough, but here you gooooo :)  
> (I'll be posting a fuller version eventually, equipped with bachelor party, presidium issues etc) :)

He walked out onto the stage, the curtains parting as the lights came on. He wondered, why? Why him? Why did it _have_ to be him?

It brought him a little comfort to know it was for a purpose at least. Shepard, Garrus and Alenko stood at the back, Alex with her omni-tool out as she scanned one of the machines, Kaidan and Garrus looking as inconspicuous as they could.

Then the music started, Shepard gave him a nod to let him know it was time. With everyone's attention fixed on him, he began.

_'Who the fuck chose this song?'_

He groaned internally, sighing in relief as the others ducked around the corner and out of sight.

*****

She had to clamp a hand over her mouth as they watched it from her omni-tool. He stood there in his large golden collar, the small scraps of metal and fabric that tried feebily to cover his groin and ass, the knee-high strappy sandals, that she'd persuaded him to wear, and all slathered in oil. As far as he was aware, he was dancing to entertain/distract an Asari matriarch with rather peculiar taste, while the Commander and the others scoured the area for the corrupted console. It was so far from the truth.

Kaidan shook his head with a smile and Shepard could barely contain her laughter.

He shimmied and girated, swaying his hips from side to side, shaking his muscular pecs provocatively. She. Was. Howling. Kaidan had to hold her own hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing above the music. She gasped sharply against their palms as his other hand traced soft circles down her leather-clad side.

Garrus shook his head, mandibles twitching with amusement.

"Remind me, why are we doing this again?" he asked, looking at the Major and the dark haired, giggling woman in his arms.

"Really? The old male strippers at my bachelor party? The lap dancing? I'm a scarred man Vakarian"

If he had brows, Garrus would have quirked them.

"There's rumors going around that he married me to avoid speculation that he's into old men" she snorted "Now shush! This is the best part!" Alex giggled, lifting her omni-tool for them to see.

He had moved down from the stage and was moving amongst the audience, seeking out the Matriarch. His eyes narrowing into a seductive stare when he found her, she shifted in her seat as he approached, appreciating the taut, bulging muscle that covered his well-oiled, tattooed body.

"Hey chica, a little birdie told me it was your birthday," he smiled, she looked up at him with wide eyes, letting him slip himself to stand on either side of her. He rolled his hips, his abs rippling as the matriarch fell apart in his grasp. Vega lifted her chin, looking her in the eye as his lips slowly met hers, his thighs pressing down on her own.

"And he scores!" Garrus shouted, loud enough for the Marine to hear. Shepard couldn't contain her laugh any longer, falling forward, howling. Her ass rubbing against Kaidan and pulling a groan from his now parted lips. Heavy footsteps pounded against the floor.

"Incoming!" she snorted, trying to push away from Kaidan and run for cover. But it was too late. A broad shadow loomed over them, his nostrils flaring as they fell into sight, trying to run aroudn the corner. "James! Hey! We found the uh...we found the stuff!" she panted, Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"Remind me never to ask you to cover for me," he chuckled, moaning when her elbow collided with his stomach.

"Boss? What's going on?" his arms folded across his chest and all the willpower she needed, to hide the smirk that threatened to bear itself, vanished.

"His idea!" she bit her lip, pointing at the man beside her. Tears flowing from her eyes as she laughed silently, relying on the arm around her waist to keep her standing.

"Payback, you shouldn't have gotten those strippers...I was the talk of the Presidium for weeks..." 

"Seriously?! Wait...what strippers?"   
  
Shepard felt Kaidan tense behind her.

_'Oh shit oh shit oh shit!'_

"I told you it would bite you and Joker in the ass Shepard" Garrus chuckled.

"Garrus! Shut up!" she hissed with a nervous smile.

She looked up at Kaidan and James, slowly backing towards the wall as they turned to face her.

"Whoops..." the Turian winked.

"I'm gonna kick your ass Vakarian!"

"What's he on about, _honey_?"

She flashed a brief smile and then...she was gone. Her shoes falling on the floor as she ran into the distance. The three men hot on her tail as she rounded the corner, leaping over tables when necessary.

"Stand down! That's an order!" she cackled, Garrus running along side her, his deep laugh filling her ears. Quickly she looked over her shoulder at Kaidan, feet away from being able to tackle her.

 _Thud_.

He pinned her to the floor and she reached out to the Turian.

"No! Shepard!"

"Run! Warn Joker! Gladiator incoming!" She feigned defeat, trying to claw at the floor and pull herself away from her husband's grasp. All the woman could do was watch as Garrus disappeared from sight, the glistening gladiator on his heel. Kaidan rolled her onto her back and she looked up at him with a guilty grin. "I love you?"

 


End file.
